i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
