I met the friendliest cop last night
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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