Can i not drive my cunt home
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you never un-have a 4some
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
