So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs