Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?