please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.