Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
