dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
