Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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