I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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