She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
