i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize