I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
