oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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