Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
