can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
