If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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