dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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