I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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