the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
