all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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