Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
