I wish my penis had an off switch
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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