First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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