i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
last night I used snow as a chaser
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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