Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
