You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
