a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
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