don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
