drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
