I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
