I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
