If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
