I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
