For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
