If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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