Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
