Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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