i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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