Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
