My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
