Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
