Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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