How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
