It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I could fuck to npr.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
