Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
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just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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