Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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