so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
