I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize