Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
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Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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