i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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