You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize