I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
