I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
