i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
