he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That accounts for only three of the penises
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
