PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
