So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
