This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
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