He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
